Sardar Jokes

Air India

Santa was booked into an Air India flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an aeroplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place.When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, Santa declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don`t charge me for food and drinks!"So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, Santa began spreading out his own home-cooked meal.

The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher and was curious about the food."Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked.
Santa picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!

"Then Santa took out several pieces of chappatis and started feasting."And what is that dish?" asked the curious American."Wheat of India!"
replied Santa proudly.
Finally, Santa took out some desserts. He offered some to the American."What is it?" asked the American."Sweets of India!" replied Santa.

After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud `Pooooooooot!` sound (fart) from Santa."What was that?" asked the American, holding his nose in disgust.

Santa replied coolly, "That`s Air India."

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Sardar Bloopers....

A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily.
After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?"
To this the man replies,"Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai,'Wash Basin' ".

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SantaSingh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"Is this one one one one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven eleven."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?" "No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."

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A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing
The bystander A Marathon race is going on
Sardar : What do they get from that?
Bystander : The winner will get a prize
Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

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Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But .. what happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back."

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Detectives Sardars

A policeman was testing 3 Singh brothers who were training to becomedetectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows thefirst Singh a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is yoursuspect, how would you recognize him?" The first Singh answers, "That'seasy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policemansays, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile.

"Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for5 seconds at the second Singh and asks him, "This is your suspect, howwouldyou recognize him?

"The second Singh smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be too easyto catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds,"What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear areshowing because it's a picture of his side profile!

Is that the best answer you can come up with?"Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third Singhand in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The Singhlooks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wearscontact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file andI'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office,checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beamingsmile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contactlenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the Singh replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because heonly has one eye and one ear."

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Sardar in Heaven

After death, Sardarji reached the door of the heaven smoothly. There he met gate keeping angel, the angel said, 'Well, Sardarji, It is nice to talk to you but we have changed our policy these days. I will ask you a question and you need to answer it correctly before you go in, and Sardarji with lot of self confidence told Saint Peter to go ahead and ask him the damn question.

Angel : How many seconds are there in a year?

Sardarji: After lot of thought, answered,' twelve'.

Angel : Asked him - But how?

Sardarji: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd.........


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Punjab Airways

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen.This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you toPunjab Airways. We apologize for the four day delay in taking off,owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery.

This is flight one two six flight to New Delhi.Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere inthe East. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on yourvillage!

Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety.In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists areafraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure I announce that startingthis year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination.(I presume that the other 50% were the terrorists themselves!!!)For the ones that don't quiet make it, Punjab Airways staff have allthe requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. OurStewardesses Bubbly and Goldie will be happy to brief you on ourout-of-court settlement policies.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passengerrequest, we can arrange to turn them off ! To make your free fall toearth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea andbiscuits !For our religious passengers, we are the only airline whocan help you find out if there really is a God! We regret to inform you, that today's in-flightmovie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from thetelevision.But for our movie buff, we will be flying right next to Air India,where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabinwindow.

There is no-smoking in this airplane. Any smoke yousee in the cabin is only the early warning system on the enginestelling us to slow down!

Life jacket are positioned under your seats and freebathing costumes are made available to the aunties and swimmingshorts to the uncles, for emergency jumps!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to flyas close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a littletoo close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark !

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an uprightposition for take off and fasten your belt. For those of you whocan't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of yourseat.And for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get intouch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.

Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the cock pit.

Thank you for choosing Punjab Airways. HAVE A NICE JOURNEY

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Sardar commits suicide

Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks
and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops
him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" (Why
do you take these things with you?).

Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na
marjaun" (If the stupid train comes late, I will die of hunger!)

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An American tourist in Punjab

An American tourist in Punjab walked into a beautiful deserted forest and found a lovely pool in it, and decided to go skinny-dipping. She looked around, didn't see anyone, and undressed and just as she was about to dive in, Santa Singh the gardner appeared from behind the bushes where he was hiding all along and said, 'Madam! Swimming not allowed!''

You could have told me that before I took off my clothes!', the American woman scolded him.
Santa Singh replied, 'Madam, only swimming not allowed, taking off clothes allowed!

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the fastest thing in the world?

4 men - a Marathi, Bengali, Gujrati and our Santa were being interviewed for a top job. With nothing to choose between them, the President told them over dinner that the decisive test would be carried out the following morning, with each candidate being asked the same question and the best answer would get them the job.

The next morning, first up was the Marathi. "Here's your question," said the President, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" Without hesitation, he replied "A thought, because it takes no time at all." "Very good answer," said the President.
Next up was the Gujrati, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. "A blink," replied the Gujju almost instantaneously, "cos you don't think about a blink. It's a reflex." "Good answer," replied the president.

Next was the Bengali, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. The Bengali thought for a moment, "Electricity, because you can flip a switch and 20 miles away a light will go on immediately." "That's a great answer," replied the president.

Finally, it was our Santa's turn. "What`s the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. Scratching his head Santa replied: "Diarrhoea, because last night after dinner I was lying on my bed when I got these awful stomach pains and before I could think, blink or turn on the light....."