Crazee Jokes

SMS Jokes

World's Smallest resignation letter? Respected sir, I luv ur wife.

Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u? Banta: Me too, after u leave

When i open my eyes every morning i pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.... Why should only i suffer!!!

Love is like a bowl of oatmeal; warm, mushy and good for you. Lust is like soup, it is only good when it is hot. =)

Dying husband: I have something to tell you. Wife: Don't speak, just rest. Husband: No, I must confess, I had sex with your sister and your best friend. Wife: Sshhh. I know! That's why I poisoned you!

What is the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After one year, the dog is still excited to see you. =)

One day you will ask me what is more important 2 me, you or my life? I will say my life & you will leave me without realising that you are my life

What is a difference between a Kiss, a Car and a Monkey? A kiss is so dear, a car is too dear and a monkey is U dear.
Difference: It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE Vs ARRANGED. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
God picked up a flower n dipped it in dew,he lovingly touched it, & it turned into u.And then he gifted it to me n said this friend is 4


Banking Procedure for Male and Female:

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE:

Drive up to the cash machine.
Put down your car window.
Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
Put window up.
Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

Drive up to cash machine.
Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
Set parking brake, put the window down.
Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up
Attempt to insert card into machine.
Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
Insert card.
Re-insert card the right way.
Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on it.
Enter PIN.
Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
Enter amount of cash required.
Check makeup in rear view mirror.
Retrieve cash and receipt.
Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
Re-check makeup.
Drive forward 2 feet.
Reverse back to cash machine.
Retrieve card.
Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
Restart stalled engine and pull off.
Redial person on cell phone.
Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
Release Parking Brake.
Girl FriendsExams are like

GIRL FRIENDS;

1,Too Many Questions.
2,Difficult to Understand.
3,More Explanation is Needed.
4,Result is always FAIL!

Equation

7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -And that 1 Bloody marriage has 777777777777 problems.
So beware of glance!


Marriage

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.She went downstairs looking for him. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw tears rolling from his eyes as he sipped his coffee.

"What's the matter with you, my dear? Why are you down here at this time of the night?" she asked."Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?"
he asked."Yes, I do," she replied

."Do you remember when your father caught us while dating?""Yes, I do remember," she replied

."Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said,

"Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?"

"Yes, I do," she said, getting a little teary- eyed herself at his fond recollection.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,

"You know... I would have been released today."

Indian Hell:

An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"

He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in? "Because maintenance is so bad >that>>the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the cafeteria..."

Least Romantic:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. Oh loving beauty you float with graceIf only you could hide your face Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;This describes everything you are not I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that paper bag off of your face I love your smile, your face, and your eyes - Damn, I'm good at telling lies! My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:Marrying you screwed up my life I see your face when I am dreaming.That's why I always wake up screaming My love, you take my breath away.What have you stepped in to smell this way My feelings for you no words can tell,Except for maybe "go to hell"

John Abraham:

John Abraham was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila."Miraculously, a parking place appeared.John looked up again and said,"Never mind. I found one."

Little Manu Jokes

Teacher: Why are you late?
Manu: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Manu: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

Teacher: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"?
Manu: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L

"Teacher: No, that's wrong
Manu: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

Teacher: Johny, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Manu: Me!

Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"Manu: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day same time."

Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Manu: Brotherly love.

Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Manu: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Manu: A teacher