Fun Jokes

A man with no arms or legs is sunbathing on the beach.

He is approached by three beautiful young women who take pity on him. The first says to him, ‘Have you ever been hugged?’ The man shakes his head, and she leans down and gives him a big hug.

The second says to him, ‘Have you ever been kissed?’ He shakes his head. She kisses him.

Rather abruptly, the third girl asks, ‘Have you ever been fucked?’ ‘No,’ says the man, his eyes lighting up.

‘Well, you are now. The tide’s coming in..

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The Pakistani Air Force recently purchased a fleet of Chinese fighter jets. They invited over a Chinese official and at a gathering, the Chinese guy says to the Pakistani, 'These planes are so simple, even you fools can use them'.

The chief of the air force asks how it's all done. The Chinese guy says, 'OK. So easy! Press this button to go right. This button to go left, and this button to go up!'

The Pakistani Air Force Chief then asks, 'So, how do you come down?'

The Chinese guy replies, 'Oh, leave that to the Indian

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The Pakistani Army chief was always dominated by his wife, which he resented. He tried to reason with her but to no avail.

Perwez's wife: But that's the way of life. Husbands are meant to listen to us (wives) all the time. All the Pakistani men do the same, why do you try to be different?

Perwez: Not all Pakistani men are scared of their wives. I have the strongest army in the region. I have the wisest men running the army. I do not believe that all of them are scared of their wives.

Perwez's wife: OK, If you find even a single man in your army who is not scared, I will agree to whatever you want!

Perwez summons all his Generals and asks them if they are scared of their wives. To his surprise not a single general had courage to say that he was not afraid of his wife. The army chief then sends out for his Corp Commanders but still could not find a single man who was not scared of his wife.

Finally, he asks for the whole Pakistani army to assemble in a desert area in Baluchistan, where he addresses them.

Perwez: I want all the men who are not afraid of their wives to come forward.

There was murmuring for a few minutes and after considerable time one man stepped forward from the crowd.

Perwez: I am happy to know that there is atleast one person in the army who is not not hen-pecked and scared of his wife!

The man replies: Well, all I know is that, in the morning my wife told me to stay away from crowds!

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The Air India flight from Karachi to Bombay was in trouble. As the storm raged, Santa Singh, the captain of the plane realized his plane was going to crash. He was however able to land the plane on the water where it was sinking fast.

He called out, 'Anyone here know how to pray?'

One Pakistani stepped forward. 'Yes, Captain, I know how to pray.'

'Good,' said Santa Singh, 'you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short.'
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Santa Singh lay spread out over three seats in the second row of a movie theater. As he lay there breathing heavily, an usher came over and said, 'That's very rude of you, sir, taking up three seats. Didn't you learn any manners? Where did you come from?'

The man looked up helplessly and said, 'Abbe saale... from the balcony!'

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A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the Patna zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo.
A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he got out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, 'How high do you think they'll go?'

The kangaroo said, 'About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!'
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Clinton came to Pakistan on a state visit. Mian Nawaz Sharif asked the city authorities to clean up the city. Clinton was shown around the city the way government was spending the US aid. However, he noticed people relieving themselves (pissing or shitting) on the roadside in several places.

At the end of the visit Clinton said to Nawaz that he would like more of the money spent towards the civic facilities so that people do not have to relieve themselves in public places. Nawaz Sharif was annoyed. He decided that the next time he will go to USA and will embarrass the US president too.

Next month Nawaz went to USA and spent one week in Washington. Every time he went around with Clinton, he looked hard to find something that would embarrass Clinton. But he could not find any fault.

But on the last day of the visit while Nawaz was being escorted back to airport from the Pakistani embassy, he saw someone pissing in a dark area of the street next to Pakistani embassy. He pointed out to Clinton: 'See, even in USA people do that.'

Clinton was very angry. He signaled to FBI agents who shot the roadside pisser immediately.

The next day Nawaz read in the newspapers in Islamabad: 'Pakistani ambassador shot dead in Washington!'
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The little boy was sitting on a park bench munching on one chocolate bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all those chocolates isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat.'

The boy replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'

The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 chocolate bars at a time?'

The little boy answered, 'No, he minded his own damn business!'

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Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.

The first one says: 'Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow'.

The second one says: 'Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet'.

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: 'You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45'!

Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft?

Letter from Varun Pandey to Mr. Bill Gates

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. One doubt is whether any 're scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Mi crosoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will povide the remaining items?

6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that

7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,
Mr Pandey

Last one to Mr. Bill Gates:

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?